When exploring BDSM dating, Valentine’s Day may be one of the first times a couple gains the confidence to explore kinky areas within their relationship. Tie and Tease is often one of the first fetish dating ideas that many try for their first dip into BDSM play.
Tie and Tease sounds fairly basic, you tie someone up and tease them, that’s it. However, Tie and Tease comes with much more than just tieing up and teasing them, it’s all about getting the sensations both of you want to explore and focusing on the main ones.
It’s easy to overcomplicate things by trying to tick everything off your bucket list all at once, and this in itself can put you off even following through on your BDSM themed date.
Set Yourself and Partner Homework!
Both write a list of the sensations you wish to experience. Are you after soft and sensual, or do you want to explore sharp and intense sensations? Your list can comprise of physical sensations such as tickling, vibrations, spanking. It can also include emotions and reactions, like calm, shy, dark, submissive, make me squirm, no orgasm.
Once you have a list, on the date of your BDSM date, either send a text message of your top five sensations or write a note on your Valentine’s day card.
Focusing on 5 sensations each reduces the risk of rushing the moment and leading to disappointment, and it also makes sure you keep the date running smoothly by reducing the confusion of what order each sensation needs to go in. Less is more, and taking your time will help all involved learn whether or not the sensation is really for each of them.
Next, work out who is going to be tied and teased. For some, power dynamics can come into play here, where one is the submissive and the other Dominant. The Dominant takes control of the submissive, but only to the extent of the agreed consensual limits. If you want to add a sub and Dom dynamic to your play, make sure you talk about it clearly beforehand.
Tie and tease can happen without a power dynamic focus, but when you do explore it particularly if it is for the first time, try and focus on one of you being tied one night and the other on a different BDSM date in the future. BDSM play can be tiring.
As you are looking to explore BDSM play, regardless of the dynamic, make sure you both have an agreed safe word that you can use when things reach beyond your comfort zones.
Remember, when you experience your first Tie and Tease experience, it’s ok not to like everything you thought you would. This is why a list is good to have when exploring as you can keep track of things you like and dislike. Remember when discovering something you don’t enjoy, you can use your safe word to stop that part of BDSM play and move onto other forms of play you may enjoy more.