April Fools: New Warnings For Food Packaging

Sex related accidents happen daily, in the bedroom, the living room, and even the kitchen. One of the most common accidents to happen sexually is when food is incorporated into sexual play, from sharp carrots, vicars and potatoes, cheese slices whilst driving, and now the hot pastry. But really is it our fault if these accidents occur when we have not been warned of the potential prior to filling our fantasies (now in more ways than one)?


Well we don’t think so! After chatting with food and advertising standards in the UK, we have teamed up to change the regulations on all food, to now host a warning on their labels. Just like how a packet of peanuts may warn you that they contain nuts, food will be labelled with the following:


“Warning this product may cause harm when used sexually”


As a sex educator who likes to support anyone’s sexual preference, I also pointed out the advantages of how this will help masochists and sadists find new and adventurous ways to explore their fetishes. We expect these changes to come into act towards the end of the year, but we are already discussing about how to inform people how they should heat their food properly when wishing to bring the temperature up to human body heat for that all natural experience.  As well as warning on sugary goods, and how that inserting them may cause thrush.



I’m very excited to be able to finally announce these plans, which have taken years to work out. I’m also very grateful for the British advertising standards, and their support and enthusiasm on the project.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.