The book ‘Love Me Like You Hate Me: Lessons In Pleasure And Pain.’is by Venus O’Hara and Erika Lust. Venus O’Hara is a fetish model, actress and writer. Erika Lust is the founder of Lust Films which provides adult films, erotica and magazines, with women in mind. This book is an introduction for women who are interested in the world of BDSM. The book is written from a slight feminist viewpoint, and seems to be aimed at wealthy heterosexual couples who are new to the BDSM scene. The book is made with a padded hardback cover depicting a couple wearing rather elegant clothes; the woman is also wearing handcuffs. The book has a vintage looking exterior, but the photos and writing inside the book itself are rather modern. The book was published in 2010 and makes a reference to Lady Gaga and various internet sites. The book consists of 192 pages, most of which are pictures. Inside this beautiful book you will find a small gift of bijoux indiscrets satin ties. I was surprised by this as I ordered the book online, and had no idea that it would come with a free sex toy. Each satin tie is 28 inches long and two inches wide. Each tie has a slot at one end, meaning that you can easily wrap these ties around you without having to fiddle about with tying knots. The ties can also be used as a blindfold. On the ties you will find ‘Love Me Like You Hate Me’ printed in silver. I’m unsure how long this printing will stay on the satin.
The book is split into fifteen main sections. There is a short introduction which gently eases you into the book. The book then starts with a basic look at the origins of where the term sadism derived, which came from the works of Donatien Alphonse Francois de Sade, and the term Masochism, which came from the renowned book ‘Venus in Furs’ by Sacher-Masoch. ‘Venus inFurs’ is mentioned throughout ‘Love Me Like You Hate Me’. There is also a small section on terminology, explaining phrases commonly used within BDSM.
The next section is on blindfolds, explaining what a blindfold is, what can be used to make a blindfold, and how to use a blindfold successfully. There is also a confession of someone’s first real experience with a blindfold. This is written in the style of a short erotic story. The story is about a woman meeting someone through the internet, and how they developed a sexual relationship, leading slowly to them re-enacting an erotic fantasy which involves a blindfold. The next section is on bondage and how to tie someone up correctly and safely. They suggest you use the satin ties provided with the book. Again there is another confessional erotic story involving a young couple.
Next there is a section on toys and accessories. Most of the brands suggested are rather expensive designer items, and the images seem to be the provided by the retailers and not the authors. At the end of this section there are a few suggestions for toys on a budget, such as using clothes pegs. Next is a section on dress up, again suggesting specialist and rather expensive designer wear. The next section is titled ‘Welcome to the Dungeon!’ This title reminds me of Guns ‘n’ Roses’ ‘Welcome to the Jungle’. This section mainly suggests where you can buy specialist dungeon furniture, such as custom metal beds.
The book goes on to how to perform role play. In this section you will find a short quiz, which may help you distinguish between whether you are a sub, dom, or switch. There are also a few role play scenarios outlined, from private themes such as the traditional doctor and nurse within the bedroom, to scenarios which are re-enacted publicly. Next there is a section on the differences between masters and slaves; you will find a few examples of contracts, and what a slave generally agrees to before handing over their ownership to their master. There is a part explaining Femdom roles, and examples of specialist websites and resources which masters and slaves can use.Within the ‘Master and Slaves’ section there are two confessional erotic stories, one from a slave and the other from a master.
After this is a section on ‘Rewards and Punishment’. This section mainly outlines how to punish your submissive correctly, ranging from sensory deprivation to humiliation. The reward suggestions for the sub are very small and only comprises of four suggestions. The ‘No Pain, No Gain’ section outlines what is good and bad pain. There is a small bit of information on how to use spanking correctly, with information on spank parties. Devices explained are whips, nipple clamps, and items used within temperature play. At the end of this section you will find another confessional erotic story, where a girl plays the role of a naughty school girl who is punished through spanking by a teacher. The next section is on revenge, and is aimed at those who switch from dom to sub within their relationship. There is a list of some common complaints within relationships, and how to possibly solve these problems. At the end of this chapter there is a confessional erotic short story, about a woman who waxes her partners back, as a form of revenge for insults made about her weight. The next section is a list of films and literature the authors suggest you look into. The last main section is a list of fetish parties and events, consisting of photos and information. Finally there is a little section with two small authors’ bios.
Overall this book is a nice little guide with some beautiful pictures. I feel that it would be a good introduction to both women and men who are new to BDSM. But I think the book will become outdated quickly, as there are too many toy brands and events advertised within the book. If you are looking for a luxurious feeling book, with some basic suggestions, short erotic stories, and a free set of satin ties to get you started, then this book is for you. I think what mainly attracted me to this book was the photography; though the images contained within this book are pretty mild in subject matter, some are rather artistic.
You can see a short video of this book here.
You can purchase this book from Amazon.