At Long Last, The Truth About Erections

An advice guide to how long you should have an erection

This may surprise you but the most common thing I get asked is how to last longer.A Guide to ED

Did you know the longest erection lasted for 35 days? You’re probably wondering how he managed that, right? It was pure fluke and a side effect from a biking accident injury. I remember when I was younger, I dated a guy who could keep an erection for hours. Again, this was due to a negative effect from their diabetes, which we later found out could cause long-term damage even. Lasting longer doesn’t always mean it’s better for your health or enjoyable, there are some who even report it can be painful.

When those with a penis come to me and say they want to last longer, many are looking at the extremes. Most want to be able to achieve an erection for hours, so they can pound their lover none stop like a porn star. Whilst an erection can last up to 25 to 35 minutes on average, I know most men generally last under 15 minutes. Under 5 minutes can be considered premature ejaculation.
What causes premature ejaculation? There are loads of factors, such as overall fitness, medication side effects, pre-existing condition side effects, and pelvic floor issues. The biggest influencer I find though, is the mind and the way someone utilise their erotic mental stimulation and transfers it into physical responses.

Having high expectations of lasting longer ironically can have a negative effect on erection and cause ejaculation to result quickly. Do you want to know something about erections and sex education here? All your life you’ve been lied to. That’s right, you have been told that you need to last longer, and no one has focused on the important factors. The important factors being that the time of erection to ejaculation shouldn’t be the only focus. What people should have been teaching is, “If you enjoy it, it shouldn’t matter how long you last.”. Even if the erection didn’t last as long as you had hoped, did you still enjoy the sensations you felt, from the blood gushing into your penis, down to how your nerves came alive as hands touched your flesh? Focusing on how you enjoy the moment can help take your mind away from trying to win that world record for the longest erection, and allows you to fully embrace the erotic moment.

If you’re having trouble keeping an erection, focusing on other things that bring you sexual enjoyment can be key. This is why foreplay is important. Even if you’re doing solo masturbation trace your hands over your body, run your fingers through your hair, don’t be shy, you shouldn’t feel shame for exploring your own body (unless shame turns you on, then go for it).

Put off by using your own hands directly or it’s not working for you fully? Look into sex toys from nipple clamps and suckers, to vibrators. Don’t let gendered sex toys get in the way of what you think you’d like, as long as it’s safe and won’t get lost anywhere (*cough* flared base), then go for it and explore with it – you might be pleasantly surprised.

If you have a partner, talk about it, cry if you need to even. Let out those emotions so they don’t enter the bedroom with you. Also, chat about the other things you enjoy and ask them what they like. Once you know that they enjoy XYZ, and you’ve both consented to it, exploring that particular thing can add hours onto your bedroom antics that aren’t erection-focused. You may even find that the time your erection is, is just long enough for your sexual partner, or they may get turned on and have more pleasure from another sexual act more. If you aren’t comfortable chatting with your sexual partner, then look into seeing a sex coach or therapist (we’re not too scary, trust me).

There is no permeant quick fix to erectile dysfunction. Yet, I also see many come to me thinking they have an issue, and they simply don’t. We are fed so many myths about sex, and this is one of the biggest. It’s also something where, what’s normal for some if not normal for you and your body. We shouldn’t have to feel like we’re in competition always.

Whilst the mental side to it can be a great influencer it’s always worth popping to your doctors to see if they can rule out any other possibilities. They can help reassure you but also help see if there’s anything like medication reactions that may be causing it. It can be scary popping to see a doctor about these issues, but in all seriousness, they have seen and heard things that are more embarrassing and still act professionally to reassure their patients. The weird thing about popping to see a GP is, that some find just discussing their ED issues can help resolve the problem. Another reason to see a doctor is to make sure that if you are going down the medication route to find one that works with you and doesn’t contradict with current conditions or medications you are on. Even if you’re looking for online supplements these can still contradict with conditions and other meds. There are many holistic remedies out there, and whilst I’ve heard tales of some working, personally, I find most don’t on medical grounds and are more of a placebo.

Can placebo’s work? Yes, a placebo can work as it’s not hard to fool the brain. Some actually have a great reaction to pretending they are taking a pill, using a sweet or even renaming a medication they have to take daily for other reasons as their sexual enhancing pill. In a world where chronic conditions that need regular treatment anyway, mixing it up a bit by saying “these are my sex pills”, is a lot more fun than saying “these are my pain meds”.

Then there’s the world of sex toy and sex tech options. Yes, sex toys can help, but it’s not all about restricting blood flow, they work by acting as a positive reinforcement and visual biofeedback. When you see it get hard, even feel it getting hard with the help of a cock ring or penis pump you’re creating new neuropathways and reinforcing your body to accept the erection. This is why penis pumps can come with daily exercise routines, it’s not just helping the blood flow and muscles around the area to come alive, it helps build a mind-body connection.

The pelvic floor plays a factor in helping maintain an erection. Pelvic floor exercises and kegels help strengthen the muscles that help with erection and the healthier your pelvic floor the better blood flow to the area. The problem with pelvic floor exercises is that it can be hard to keep up the exercises as you can’t see the results quickly. It can take months to build up strength. Many go down the kegel route, and give up quickly. I prefer a mixture, by taking the biomechanics route with added kegels when needed, as making the whole body feel better can see great improvements in sexual satisfaction as well as erection. To do kegels you don’t need any fancy devices, but some may like them. Over the years I’ve seen weight cock rings (a big nope), to e-stim butt plugs. But guess what, you don’t even need to insert anything up your butt, if you want to go down the device route, invest in a standard TENS with muscle stimulation as an option, and you’ll find two spots on your back where you can place the pads and they will work your pelvic floor muscles from the outside. The pads need to be placed on either side of the lumbar spine, approximately near where you have those little dips in your flesh.

If you’ve been down all the routes from sex toys to pills and still no success, you may be surprised to hear that the pelvic floor can be affected by muscle dysfunctions and or injuries elsewhere in the body. I find there are a lot of people out there who have issues with erections and pelvic floor muscle problems that also have back, hip, and even feet problems. Once these have been addressed, they find their pelvic floor and erection are happier and healthier.

Finally, take the time to relax and reduce stress. Stress is the worst thing that can be hard to avoid but can really get in the way of your sexual wellbeing. Even if it’s none sexual-related, it can have a big knock-on effect. Explore a favorite hobby, read a book, watch a film, and find time for yourself so you can connect with yourself fully. We need to explore ourselves more than just our sexual behaviour, and finding satisfaction in various areas of our lives can help support another to be pleasurable.

 

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