Anal Awareness, the most important thing to anal

What’s the most important thing to anal play?


Anal awareness is very important when it comes to anal play, particularly when you are playing with someone else and penetrating them anally. It’s not just about an orifice and an object or finger at play here, but there’s a connection between you and the person you’re performing this deeply erotic play with.

To make an anal encounter one to remember and lead to future endeavours it is important to have these two things at hand: Time and communication!

I bet you thought I was going to say lube and a good selection of dildo’s, right? Whilst yes having a good selection of sex toys and lube can really help make an anal experience go smoothly, if the other two factors aren’t in place from the start then no matter how much lube you have and how fancy your silicone dicks are, the whole event just might as well be cancelled.

Anal is one of those things that even when you are playing roughly you have to be mindful of your play partners squirms and body jolts. I understand that there are many who may still want rough to mean pain, but you can have an experience that is rough without being a pain up the butt.

Discussion should always come before any anal play, sure cleaning and making sure you’ve recently pooped are nice tokens, but a discussion to talk about expectations and consent can go a long way. It’s also a helpful way to tell if you should be doing anal play that day. If someone is feeling under the weather, I often say to them that it may be a good idea to rebook for another day as anal sex and pleasure whilst fun, can be extremely tiring.

If performing anal play and pegging as part of kink play and including it into a BDSM scene safe words are important. Sizing up sex toy too quickly can lead to physical shock, triggering the fight or flight response, and this in turn can lead to negative mental experiences.

What you can achieve for one anal sexual partner will be different for another and even yourself. Some people simply may not find a particular toy a turn on, or it’s shape just doesn’t hit their sweet spots. Others may have twisty bowels where long dildos are just painful for deep penetration. There could be back issues. Tight pelvic floor making entry harder. The list goes on and on as to why our bodies mechanics and minds work differently, and communication is the key to unravelling them.

Anal pleasure and sex, communication should be throughout. If there’s gag’s and hoods being used blocking off certain cues that tell you when something is wrong, you then need to rely on reading how their body responds. Does their buttock tighten suddenly and hip jerks suddenly as if it’s gone into shock? Then maybe you’ve just hit a nerve that’s caused some discomfort and you either need to stop for the day or change tactics if you’re both insistent on continuing play. Or, do they push further into the sex toy and arch their back with pleasure? If so, you’re on the right track. There is not right and wrong way to how someone expresses pleasure or discomfort and we need to watch out for each individuals reaction.

These are all important things to watch out for.

If you’re doing anal alongside role play, you can even make parts of the role play integrated with the continuous communication. Even when you’re degrading a submissive as part of sexual play there are ways to add in an element of care and checking in on them throughout is key. Checking on a submissive during erotic scenes doesn’t reduce the status of being a Dominant. Showing that you have some empathy can actually gain you as an individual more respect.

Doing anal as a punishment should only happen if it’s in the agreed limits. Anal should never be forced on someone who is completely against it no matter how extreme a punishment is, it still needs to be consensual. When speaking with your sexual play partner, asking for limits is important, you can ask them their light or hard limits so you know which ones they really enjoy and ones that they may not enjoy as much but are ok to experience. If they say they have no limits, I really recommend making sure you know your play partner fully before you embark on no limit play. This can take a lot of communication and learning how their body reacts to different stimulation.

Even after discussing anal play, some may still be nervous during anal pleasure even if they have a great desire to explore it. Adding in other elements of play can help them relax and distract them. Applying sensual massage, vibrations, impact play, and even for some pain play can help set an individual into the right headspace to continue with anal pleasure. However, it is perfectly ok to stop and come back to it a different day, sometimes it can take months for an individual to work up to full penetration and feel completely relaxed and at ease. There’s no need to rush and force things.

After you’ve finally explored anal sex and play with someone it’s also ok to decide if it’s just not your thing. We all have fantasies we want to explore and get extremely excited to do so, but the end result is that it just didn’t hit the spot. That’s ok, sometimes we’re just not in the right headspace at the time for that sexual act, or need to explore it in a different way, or sometimes it just really isn’t our thing. There are so many other forms of pleasure out there to explore, not just anal pleasure. And don’t forget, deciding you don’t like something one day doesn’t mean you won’t want to come back to it in the future to see whether or not you’ve changed your mind, just don’t let any make you feel pressured into doing it.


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