Hey everyone. Many of you know that I’m going through a rough patch right now, and emotionally I’m not coping. I’m not coping at all actually, so much that I’m struggling to look after myself. Even doing the washing-up or cooking is such a challenge right now, and most of the time, ends in me bursting in tears and experiencing a full on panic attack.
I’ve suffered from depression for most of my life, everyday is a challenge for me as I struggle to keep it under control. Right now, I’ve lost that control, and when this happens it is bad.
The last time I got this bad, was a few years back. My mother have kicked me out of home, I had also just broken off my engagement with a church guy, and I had no income to support myself – the government only provided me with £1.38 each week for food. Being under 18 and homeless in the UK kinda sucks if you don’t live in a big city with shelters.
I ended up living at my partners, where I spent over 6 months in bed. I was very suicidal. I didn’t eat. I self harmed. I cried all the time, well more like screamed. I didn’t wash. I didn’t speak. I must’ve been a nightmare to look after. My OH was always there for me, and did an amazing job at helping me.
Now I’m showing a lot of those traits again, but this time I’m living by myself. I’m not washing, I’m not eating, I’m panicking a lot, and I’m not leaving my bed. My thought patterns very negative, and uncontrollable, and I’ve started to self harm again. On top of it, it doesn’t help that I’ve just had bronchitis which developed into pneumonia, and it feels like it’s coming back already or I just haven’t recovered from it.
Due to money and things, it worked out better to move out of my OH’s, but also, he happens to live with his parents.
He, himself isn’t very well, and really isn’t able to look after me right now, like he use to. Also, the other two very important men in my life aren’t able to help me right now as they are at UNI. I only really have one real close friend who would be able to help me, but she’svery busy with work. I don’t really have any family who can help either.
After chatting with my doctor, it’s been suggested I self section myself. This is something I’ve been avoiding a good part of my teenage and young adult life. But, really, I agree with my doctor. I know what I’m like, and I know that during a time like this I need people around me to help out, but also watch me, as I can do some pretty stupid things when panicing.
The second option is having a mental health nurse come and check on me and help me around the home. I’m still researching about this option. But, even if I opt for this option, I feel a break from online would be good. Although I’m not very comfortable having a stranger come to my home each day.
I still need to arrange putting my rabbits(animals) into a holiday home, and sort out a few things before I make my decision.
Basically, this will mean I won’t be on twitter, or anywhere online for a few weeks. I won’t be blogging either.
I will write-up a few weeks worth of Toy with me Tuesday posts. Ruffled Sheets will be moderating the link app on my behalf. If you could all try and keep it going while I’m not online, this would make me very happy. Toy with me Tuesday is very important to me, and many others. Please tweet about it, facebook share it, and more. As I won’t be able to do this. Ruffled Sheets has offered to keep the @ToyTuesday twitter feed active on my behalf. But most importantly have fun.
It’s really my own stupid fault, I fully understand that, but until I can cope with all the emotions behind the mistake I made, I’m not really fit for blogging.
So from today onwards. Nymphomaniac Ness will be put on hold, apart from Toy with me Tuesday. I hope you can all understand, and those of you who have sent me review items recently, I will review them when I’m feeling I’m able to cope better. Hopefully, with the correct help, I should be back in a few weeks time.
This is a very hard thing for me to do. I love sex toys, and really that’s part of the reason I got into this mess. I’m not turning my back on sex toys or the community either. I just need a break, as I’m hurting so much right now, I’m just getting overly emotional and it’s showing in my tweets.
But yeah, I’ll be back.