Personal post: My new career and love life

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It’s been a very long time since I’ve managed to write a personal post, but today I thought I’d tell you about all the exciting plans I have for the forthcoming year, as well as the excitement I’ve had throughout the week.

 

As many of you may have realised from twitter, I recently became single, which opened up multiple opportunities. In the last week I managed to meet three men, who all took me out on lovely dates. I’ve decided to take a different approach to how I normally would date men, and have even informed them all that, I will become celibate until marriage. Prior to this decision I spoke to one of my sisters, and she’s fully supporting me, and will be using her silver smithing skills to make me a celibacy ring. This ring will also have the power to keep my old nymphomaniac habits away, acting as a constant cue upon my finger, until a wedding ring replaces it. I fully realise that this is going to be hard, and probably, in about 10 or so year’s time, I will get married. I’m currently fantasizing about removing the ring and how taking it off will lead to an explosion of sexual surges running through my body and sex. But also fully realise that by this time my sex drive should have finally calmed down into that ‘Lay back and think of England’ state of mind. Which of course is what everyone is wondering and hoping for me, because seriously it can’t be healthy to be a Nymphomaniac.

 

Due to my resent lifestyle choices, I will also be abstaining from masturbation, too. But fear not, as I will still be able to review every sex toy I am sent. I will be altering my take on sex toy reviewing, in the hope to bring something new, which will help attract and encourage new people to sex toys. Yes that’s right! I will be starting up my very own Sex Toy Cooking Channel, over on youtube. Rather than my reviews talking about how successful a product works sexually, I will be looking into the following:

*How different types of rotating rabbits work as food mixers.

*Silcone spatulas versus Silicone dildos during cake decorating and icing.

*How to tenderise meat with your nJoy products effectively.

*Can you cook an egg with electro shock sex toys?

 

Also since the rise of nipple clamps sales last year, my marketing goal for the year is to bring them to a different audience, especially looking at laundry. My aim is to sell people boxes of 30 nipple clamps, to use when they have to hang their washing on outdoor line. The next product in this range will be vibrating nipple clamps, while more expensive the vibrations are guaranteed to help dry your washing quicker than the standard ones. Each vibrating nipple clamp will last for 30 minute, hopefully reducing drying time by up to 5 minutes – How awesome is that?!?!?!

 

In addition to all of this, I am opening my site up to flash ads. I’m hoping to work with John Lewis to put together an ad which flashes between images of Cath Kidston’s bedding being hung by my unique nipple clamp laundry pegs and Nigella Lawson mixing bowls contain cake mix and a pink rotating rabbit. I’m also hopeful that they be willing to take on my range of silicone juicer butt plugs which I’m designing, I’m certain these will offer a more ergonomic grip when juicing your lemons too. I’ve only just finished putting together my pitch, and now it’s just presenting it to them, and then waiting for the results – which I can guarantee will be amazing.

 

So please wish me luck on my new adventures. I’m very excited about it all, especially after last year, which left me pretty confused about what I should be doing. But, I have finally found what I should be doing and it’s going to be astounding!

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